He uses pillows to masturbate.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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