You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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