when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
