i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
