if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
