Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
