My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
