my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
