I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
