I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
