I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
