Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish you could order shots online.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Every concussion has its silver lining
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
