First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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