I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
