Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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