PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
