Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
