Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
