The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
