none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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