So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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