Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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