I am in a vortex of obligation.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
