At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
