I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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