Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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