I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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