Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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