There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
