Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
