Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
