I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
