It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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