Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
