I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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