So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
