i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
