his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
