Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
