Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
