So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
