I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
