rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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