he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
