Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
