i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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