He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
