I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
