I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
