tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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