Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
