I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is Oprah even human
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
