Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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