I CAN MOONWALK!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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