She said her name was "party"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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