Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
