Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
