I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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