Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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